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So I´ve narrowed it down and I´m either gonna start a motorcycle gang or take a nap.
I have short term memory. I also like to fish. Also, I have short term memory.
The only way a fidgey spinner would relieve my stress is if it was edible ...
is in no shape to exercise
50% of people believe s@x is "the connecting of two people`s souls through two people`s bodies, as one." The other 50% are guys
I`m starting group meetings at my house for people who have OCD, not because I have it, but surely one of them will be bothered enough to clean it.
Nothing says poor life choices like the guy with the half smoked cigarette behind his ear
People complain about auto-correct but it is helpful 99% of the titties.
My online dating profile is just a picture of my ex-wife and the words "NOT THIS."
I think you know you’ve got a problem when every letter of the alphabet triggers a porn bonanza in your address bar.
Not to interrupt your story, but do you have a completely different and possibly shorter story?
Tupperware is so handy for those times when you feel like throwing out your food another day.
Was that lightning? ... No, they`re taking pictures for Google Earth.
I really wish Wal-Mart had a 10 teeth or more line...
My doctor told me to eat more bacon cheeseburgers. Well, what he technically said was to eat "less pizza", but I`m pretty sure I know what he meant.