Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
some people just need a high-five......in the face......with a chair!
I bought a Christmas tree today and the guy asked me `Will you be putting it up yourself?` I told him, `No, you sicko, it`s going in the living room!`
Whenever someone tells me they like country music, I just look them in the eyes and ask "which country?"
Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, get wasted all the time and have the time of your life!
I just watched a puppy do something really cute. It was like a real life YouTube video.
Just saw the little boy next door licking whip cream off the cat. Pretty sure he heard something he shouldn`t have.
Sometimes when I`m bored I crawl into a corner of my room and pretend I`m an apple.
I love you in a bipolar way because I hate you.
A true man is one who leaves his wife alone in cold weather and goes to watch football.
I`m having a problem in Call Of Duty, I go to the menu and... ok by now the girls have stopped reading this, anyone know any good porn sites?
Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I`m driving.
Office thermostats only have 2 settings: hell fire and hypothermia.
Maybe I`m not stalking you, maybe I just like your schedule
When one door closes another one opens. Or you could just re-open the closed door. Because that’s how doors work.
They always say "love makes the world go around"... They spelled beer wrong.