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scream outloud and really fast "I won a math debate"
It is totAlly unnecessary to put a PM after 23:00.
I asked my girlfriend if she was ok with me buying her a ring. She said "nothing would make me happier!" So I got her nothing.
Take my advice, I don’t use it anyway.
Now that "twerk" has been added to the dictionary, I can`t wait for a Spelling Bee judge to be asked to use it in a sentence.
Ice cream is clearly God`s way of telling us he likes us a little bit chubby.
Single ladies, stop saying you should just give up & get a cat , if no man wants you , don`t force an innocent cat to live with you..
There is always light at the end of the tunnel. It might be a train or a truck so dont let it hit you.
Sorry I`m late, I didnt want to come
I believe in karma which means I can do bad things to people all day long and just assume they deserve it.
Only you can prevent bathroom mirror pictures.
I`m surprised people still ask me if I want to hold their baby given the number of times I`ve dropped and shattered my phone
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I`ve been single for a while and I have to say, it`s going very well. Like... It`s working out. I think I`m the one.
Coffee shops should have a separate line for people who are late for work.