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Why can`t braille just be in the shape of the letters?
"This is the ride that killed Jimmy." - me in a long line, loudly, at amusement parks
Sometimes it looks like Iām flashing gang signs, but really Iām just trying to get Scotch tape off my hand.
I`ll decide whether it`s a compliment or sexual harassment.
I am one of those people who presses every button in the elevator when I`m getting out =]
New College Admissions Test ______ not getting into this college: A. Your B. Ur C. You`re D. U`re
Make fun of George Bush all you want, but he would have found a way to bomb North Korea before they shut down Hollywood.
I got the girl to hysterically laugh today just by asking her out for a date.
I always give waiters a tip, but they never seem to appreciate my advice.
I don`t like selfish people. I saw this guy pushing like 50 carts at Wal-mart last night. Really? You think someone else might want one?
I love myself everyday. Sometimes, twice a day.
My Facebook weather forecast looks like I can expect 2 or 3 inches of drama tonight followed by a lot of bullsh!t blowing in from all directions in the morning.
I broke a mirror now I`m looking at 7 years bad luck... but my lawyer thinks he can get me off with 3
The only thing I have learned so far in this company meeting is that this room has 37 ceiling tiles and 24 fluorescent bulbs.
To avoid conversations at work, always walk with purpose and a toilet plunger.