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Non alcoholic beer is like a porn movie on the radio
“Knock him out.” – Mama
I dare you to spit on this status.
On my bucket list: To be chased through a kitchen at a Chinese restaurant like in the movies.
With Halo 4, Black Ops II and Assasins Creed III, I think November might register the lowest teen pregnancy rates in a long time!
so apparently there is no such thing as a St Patrick`s Santa and I`m not sure whose lap I just sat on at the mall.
If you respond to coworkers asking how your weekend was with turkey noises, they leave you alone.
If the plan is “drink beer now, figure out life later” then yes, everything is going according to plan.
Girl:How do u feel? Boy:With your hands
You`re telling me, a chicken fried this rice
Clearly skinny jeans are easier to obtain than skinny genes
Okay, enough procrastination. Time for excuses.
Yesterday I fell off a 50 foot ladder. It`s probably a good thing I was on the bottom step...
Reasons I check my voicemail: 1% to hear the message. 99% to get rid of that annoying icon.
In honor of this years` Super Bowl participants respective States of residence, they`ve changed kickoff to 4:20 Eastern Standard time.