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I wanna be skinny but I also want to have pizza for breakfast lunch and dinner, you feel me?
If Candy Crush had a face, I`d punch it.
Apparently this Walmart cashier only brushes her favorite teeth.
Sure, I can speak Spanish... "Margarita!"
The Internet: An electronic version of, "Now, why did I walk into this room?"
My personality is 30% the last movie I watched.
This salad tastes like I`m about done with my New Year`s Resolution.
I hate when my friends stand so close to me when pictures are being taken. It`s like they don`t know I plan on cropping them out later.
My inner child has a bottle of vodka in one hand, a whip in the other and a broken halo sticking out of her back pocket.
I feel it`s important for you to know, no matter what I`m faced with and when given the option, I am that guy who will send you a voice-mail marked confidential.
I like candle lit dinners, romantic walks on the beach, and hardcore pornography.
I`m CDO. It`s like OCD but the letters are in alphabetical order. LIKE THEY SHOULD BE!!!
It`s funny how many people I have in my phones contact list who all have the same name Do Not Answer.
Not to brag, but most of the problems that take Dora the Explorer 30 minutes to figure out, I can solve in like 18-20 minutes.
is ready to have one too many!