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So you`ll be able to buy Girl Scout Cookies online this year ... Your move Weight Watchers
They told me to come here and write something funny, so I`m gonna post my bank account balance: -$4.09
Lake Superior really needs to lose the attitude.
People treat New Year’s like some sort of life changing event. If your life sucks today, it’s probably still going to suck tomorrow
All I ask is to one day live in a house with secret passages.
On the first day of school, I tell all my students to rip up their textbooks ..then I leave before their REAL teacher arrives.
Currently in the planning stages for a hangover.
A 6-month wait when filing for divorce, but only a 15-day wait when buying a gun. I think the solution for relationship problems is clear.
Ladies, don`t say that men never listen... We can tell you every word of what was said during an NFL pregame or in-game broadcast.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats
Mister Rogers didn`t adequately prepare me for the people in my neighborhood.
Farts are like children. I`m proud of mine and disgusted by yours.
Now that cell phones are becoming more and more waterproof, pretty soon it will be okay to push people into pools again...
I’ve yet to be intimidated by a fancy wine list thanks to my vast knowledge of fine wines and my eeny, meeny, miny, moe system.
Women say childbirth is the most painful thing... obviously they have never stepped on a Lego.