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You`d think the nerds on The Big Bang could fix that stupid elevator.
While most people are becoming older and wiser, I´m becoming older and better at making stuff up as I go along.
It’s funny that old people need handicap parking spots but they always manage to pick up a penny off the ground.
I`m not sure it`s possible to fill a moving truck these days without the word "Tetris" being brought into the conversation.
The only 2 things that I love and enjoy about being an adult is having sex and drinking alcohol.
Presidents’ Day is just another made up holiday to sell more presidents
I need a better plan of action when my phone rings than throwing it.
I can tell how productive I was at work by how much battery my cell phone has left when I leave.
Tried cleaning the house to the A-Team theme and ended up building a tank. So close.
There are 2 kinds of people I can’t stand: Nosy people, and people who won’t tell me what in the hell is going on.
I`m no expert, but I would guess the internet really affected encyclopedia sales.
Ten out of ten pigs prefer turkey bacon over regular bacon.
B!tches be trippin ... OK, maybe I pushed one.
A sure cure for sea-sickness is to sit under a tree.
Every store should have one line for people who have their sh!t together.