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Just once I`d like to yell, "Don`t you know who I am?!" because I`m important, not because I`m drunk and actually forgot.
If you`ve never played Tetris, you`re probably useless at loading a dishwasher
As I said before, I never repeat myself.
363 shopping days `til Christmas and some people already have their lights up.
I`m not a psychologist,,, but I remember when a Hot Wheels track magically cured 80% of ADHD
I thought I was having deja vu, but it turns out I do the exact same things every day.
If someone hates you for no apparent reason, give them one.
I`m dreaming of a white Christmas. But if the white runs out I`ll pop open the red and drink that.
I generally don`t hang out with people who are missing digits on their feet. It`s not that I`m a jerk. I`m just lack-toes intolerant.
Take time to reflect upon your day. Think of all the blessings you received, and everything you may be called to testify about :)))
I think my other three stove burners are becoming jealous of front-right.
The fact that I start clapping every time someone says "Please give me a hand" is only like the number 6 reason I dont have friends.
I ate the whole box of Slim Fast bars. So excited about how skinny I`ll be when I wake up tomorrow.
When a woman asks you for your opinion all she really wants to hear is her opinion repeated word for word but in your voice.
Don`t worry, kids. Being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.