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Gyms are full of people that haven`t found the right couch.
Show me a bunch of people with type A personalities, and I`ll show you a control group.
How many divorced guys does it take to change a lightbulb?...........Who cares, they NEVER get the house anyways
Learned today that it`s about 12 min after realizing there`s no TP in the stall that you ask yourself how important your socks really are.
Dear future boyfriend/girlfriend, where the hell are you?
You said you wanted my advice, but I see you haven’t f*cked off or died yet.
Deep down I don`t believe that paper beats rock.
Google image results are like a party that starts off exactly how you expected and gets weirder the longer you stay.
I don`t know about you....but I have thought about running away from home way more as an adult than I ever did as a kid.
"Never go to bed angry" is the worst advice ever. I haven`t slept in a week!
My To-Do list for today is just a bunch of things I wanna eat.
I`m motivated by a need to leave something meaningful in the world & a profound desire to shove it in the face of anyone who`s rejected me.
I think my mailman is stealing my Nigerian lottery checks.
Next time you`re down in the dumps...pick me up a spare tire!
How`d this get posted?