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I can not be held responsible for what my face does when you talk.
Things are finally looking up for me. This Victoria`s Secret catalog just told me this is going to be "your sexiest year ever."
Getting out of bed was my worst mistake today.
Next time you are sad remember you can make a cheeseburger with donuts as the bun. Still sad? Add Sprinkles
You can`t make everyone happy, so today I think you should focus on me.
I don`t have issues... I AM an issue
I had a blind date once, her name was ..::..::.:::::…:::::
Does all this status updating make my ego look fat?
I put the "fun" in "functioning alcoholic"
Creating a password in this day and age After the 9th try OKNowI`mReallyMad50BoiledCabbagesUpYourArseIfYouDon`tGiveMeAccessImmediately! `Sorry, that password is already in use`
The internet has made me so ADD. Started off googling "how to replace a timing belt" ended up watching a video on how to milk a camel.
There is no one more trustworthy than Clark Kent`s dry cleaner.
Wanted a nap but had trouble getting to sleep. So I put on Seeking a Friend for the End of the World. Now 13 hours later, I`m well rested.
Why is it always the same person getting in your way from start to checkout at the grocery store?
Alcohol – The best night time: slurring, headache, dehydration, drink spilling, charm killing, so you think you can dance “medicine.”