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Best thing about being single… -no drama -no fighting -no crying -no feelings -no confusion -no worries -no PROBLEMS!
How come when a girl has sex with everyone she`s a slut but when a guy has sex with everyone he`s my boyfriend
"Memory foam pillow fights". That`s one fight you`ll never forget.
Scientists uncovered the part of the male brain responsible for pissing off women. It’s next to the part that knows how much roses cost.
I’m giving up on the silent treatment. ...Going to start talking to myself again.
My doctor says each piece of bacon takes 9 minutes off your life... If my math is right, I should`ve died in 1781...
You know when you put a stick in water and it looks bent ? That’s why I never take baths...
When a porn actress is rude at a restaurant, there`s really nothing the staff can put in her food for revenge.
Being skinny might be nice, but having pizza is nicer.
Maybelline claims to make eyelashes appear three times longer…..I think they should start making condoms.
Does the 5 second rule apply to soup? Please answer quickly!
Is it "poon tang", or "poontang"? I`m trying to update my Christian Mingle profile.
Any guy can seem cool on a motorcycle. If you really want to know what kind of man you`ve got, watch him walk through a spider web.
The most exercise I get from my exercise ball is when I move it around in my apartment so that it`s not in my way.
My dog is eating. I`m sitting next to her, staring intently at her, making her obviously uncomfortable. Yeah, how`s THAT feel, mutt?