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Apparently nothing offends a toddler more than suggesting they might be due for a nap.
Holy crap! I just realized that I´m still it from a game of tag in 1987.
Mad respect to people who can stop eating when they`re full.
Right before I die, my last words will be, "I left a million dollars in the........
In my experience, most arguments are caused by a misunderstanding of the fact that I`m right.
If I could get a firm grip on reality...I`d probably choke it.
How crazy is it that we used to say "three and a half inch floppy" with a straight face
I was watching craps at the casino all night until security finally dragged me out of the bathroom.
How funny is it when you’re telling somebody a made-up story and someone says “Oh yeah I heard about that”?
You never know what you have until..... you clean your room
We Should Have A Way Of Telling People Their Breath Stinks Without Hurting Their Feelings. Like: "I`m bored, let`s go brush our teeth"
I put the hot in psychotic.
I wish that life had an option for viewing other available episodes.
You can`t run from your problems. unless your fat.
How do you expect kids to listen to their parents when Tarzan lives half naked, Cinderella comes home at midnight, Pinocchio lies all the time, Alladin is the king of thieves, Batman drives at 200 mph, Sleeping Beauty is lazy, and Snow White lives with 7 guys. We shouldn’t be surprised when they misbehave, they get it from their storybooks!