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So if one was to type ‘idiot’ into Google, would your picture come up?
Pizza is my favorite winter activity
Cranked the treadmill up to MAX for 15 minutes. When I finally took a break my roller skates were hot to the touch.
I need new swear words.
The olympics is the only time when you hear "Great execution by North Korea" and it seems okay.
A “buttload” of underwear would be exactly one pair.
If anybody asks, I was on Facebook all night tonight, okay? Thanks for having my back, everyone.
You look like you only got about 5 of your 8 hours of beauty sleep last night...
I`m worried that my guardian angel is a crack head.
I don`t need an excuse to drink, but thank you for giving me one.
There`s a warning light on my dashboard of a vague exclamation point. It`s like when my girlfriend was mad at me and she wouldn`t say why.
Office Tip: In a pinch a booger and a small piece of copy paper is as good as a post it note.
Chip clips are for quitters.
Does `virgin wool` come from sheep the shepherd hasn`t caught yet? ..just asking
Make yourself at home. Clean my kitchen