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Financial status: I hope United Airlines drags me off my flight
Everybody stop what you`re doing and play with crayons!! Enjoy the day
The covers of this book are too far apart.
Go through a fast food drive thru. When they repeat your order back to you, say "And can I get that to go?" and enjoy the confused silence.
Just realized that 90% of Disney cartoons involve lying about your identity to get someone to love you.
I love how music can take you to another place. For example One Direction is playing in this cafe so now I`m going to a different cafe.
I`ve learned more from one season of "Shark tank", than I ever learned in four years of buisness school.
The only thing worse than sitting on a cold toilet seat is sitting on a warm one.
You make me feel "I`m-typing-this-with-my-middle-finger" angry.
If money can’t buy happiness explain pizza.
I guess I need to buy some new drink coasters because I finally ran out of AOL free trial CDs.
As I got older my six-pack turn into a keg.
If your girlfriends cat gets eaten by an angry pitbul terrier, gently singing "The circle of life" into her ear WILL NOT cheer her up.
This day needs more yesterday.
If a dwarf smokes weed does he get high or medium?