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They say love is in every corner... my life must be a f*cking circle!
If your job title is head receiver, you know you`re doing something right.
How to know you have a sunburn: Smack the spot. If you scream in pain, its a sunburn
Checked a lot off my thought-about-doing-today list.
If the TV show "Cops" has taught me anything, it`s to stay away from people with blurry faces....... they always seem to attract trouble.......
No matter how loud you crank the bass, it`s still a minivan.
I drink because people talk.
I guess I’ll take my Christmas tree down today.
I wish Monday was a figment of my imagination.
Screw your recommended serving size. You don`t know me.
People will believe anything if you whisper it.
Whenever I drive past the psychic’s empty parking lot, I think, if I was psychic I would only be open on the days I knew people were coming.
Twerking is the crocs of dancing.
Congratulations on becoming a homeowner! From now on, every noise you hear will cost you money.
I would tell you to go to he!! but all dogs go to heaven.