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Roses are red Your thong is pink Cover that up You`re not as hot as you think.
that moment when autocorrect decides to ruin you and makes a text incredibly awkward.
Wanted: Someone to hand feed me Cheetos so my fingers don`t get orange..... P.S. No weirdos.
I found a bottle of vodka under my bed, skittles under my pillow, & boxes of noodles in my closet. I`m like a fcuking alcoholic squirrel.
If I were the guy who made the Where’s Waldo books I would have totally made a page where Waldo wasn’t there.
Any hedge can be a maze if you are drunk enough.
Sorry I liked your status, I was cleaning my phone.
It`s a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships.
The judge says I`m a repeat offender, but he always says that.
Don`t forget to turn your clocks back today if you want them to be set to the wrong time.
If karma doesn`t hit you, I gladly will.
LIKE if you talk to yourself and laugh because you’re just that hilarious.
I hate it when people radiotype us blondes as dumb.
I could defuse a bomb if it sounded like an alarm clock and I was sleeping.
Me, a morning person? Pfft. Most days I`m not even an afternoon person.