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People around me think I`m losing it. So today, I had to sit myself down and have a talk.
Oh my gosh! It`s a Hot Wheels car! Something you never want to hear during a prostate exam.
Bad Morning: As I sit on the throne remembering I used all the toilet paper last night for Halloween pranks.
"You`re as crazy as your mother" is the last thing I remember saying before waking up in intensive care
You are by far my smartest and best looking friend on Facebook.
You know you`re married when you find her sexier with clothes on.
If someone tells you “it’s better than sex” they’re not doing the sex right.
Im 6`1", blue eyes, light brown hair, fit, own my own compa......oh crap, wrong website, sorry.
Patience is what I have when there are too many witnesses.
Mcdonalds Drive thru: Do you want a girl toy or a boy toy? Me: You have those here?!
Does this couch I`m laying on make me look unmotivated?
Eww!!! Beer does NOT taste good on Cocoa Puffs! ..I`m switching back to my Fruit Loops! ;)
I just discovered my oven CAN CLEAN ITSELF! Naturally I will be searching my apartment looking for similar buttons.
When your world is falling apart, when it seems like things can`t get any worse, please remember...I don`t give a s$it.
You haven`t truly tested your patience yet until you get stuck behind an undecided person at a Redbox kiosk.