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Facebook game requests are like the Jehovah`s witnesses of the internet.
Just made a bunch of money by standing outside a party and charging $3 to enter ... I don`t even know who`s party it was!
Based on the condition of my hair in the morning, I`d say there`s a 100% chance my hair has more fun than I do when I sleep.
When I`m bored, I dress up as Waldo, walk up to strangers (in a crowded airport), and say "psssst... if ANYBODY asks......YOU ain`t seen me... capiche?"
Technically, I don`t have to do anything until my wife wakes up and realizes I`m not doing anything.
If anybody asks, I was on Facebook all night tonight, okay? Thanks for having my back, everyone.
They say women only use 10% of their anger
Unwritten Rule of the Day: Don´t make eye contact while eating a banana.
I`ve started to make a fresh start in 2015, so if I owe you money, too bad.
a walk in the woods helps me to relax and release tension the fact that I`m dragging a body behind me should be irrelevant.
If you don`t like the way I drive then get off the hood of my car.
Experience with women has taught me that Jack was most likely pushed down the hill.
There are only 53 days until Christmas... just a heads-up in case you haven`t shopped for me yet.
I wonder if Brazil has a wax museum?
I`m getting really irritated. This is the tenth ATM I`ve been to in the last week that`s had "insufficient funds".