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A stranger at Walmart just coughed in my face, so I`ve probably only got two, maybe three, days to live.
I`m not sure where you learned to whisper but I`m guessing inside a helicopter surrounded by f*cking chainsaws.
Welcome to Alzheimer`s Club. I see a lot of new faces today.
On a scale from 0 to insane, I`m Batman!
You know it`s been a good day when you finally take your pajamas off - and put some new ones on.
My first mistake was thinking she couldn`t hit a moving target.
My inner child is a drunken whore
I am, have to avoid the leg cramps during sex, years old.
Announcement: .. the Time Travelers Meeting scheduled for today will be held last Thursday
Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave your house.
This might be the worst online counseling site ever.
Depression is wanting to lay down and realizing that you are already laying down.
So I met an Egyptian ... they walk just like us.
I find myself highly addicted to books as of late. Once I start coloring the first few pages I can`t stop....
Billion dollar idea: Make a prescription drug that gets rid of the side effects of all the other prescription drugs.