Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The real danger of running with scissors is that a rock might fall on you.
I need new swear words.
How do you get to be that guy who waves the chopsticks at the the orchestra? I feel like I could do that.
It`s a beautiful Spring day to get outside and stare at your phone.
I love how music can take you to another place. For example One Direction is playing in this cafe so now I`m going to a different cafe.
You can`t fix stupid, but you can always drink more beer.
If a man says you’re ugly he’s being mean. If a woman says you’re ugly she’s envious. If a little kid says you’re ugly, you’re ugly.
My daughter exclaims "Cheers!" before she takes a drink of juice. So no, actually, I am NOT looking forward to parent - teacher conferences.
My bank statement is just a visual record of bad decisions.
Forecast for tonight: Alcohol, low standards, and poor decisions.
You think having periods is hard? ... Try being on a 24 hour killstreak on Call of Duty with itchy balls.
"Sarcasm is a body`s natural defense against stupid."
I live in a small town where the population never changes. Every time a girl gets pregant a guy leaves town.
Browsing the internet when bored is like the virtual version of checking the refrigerator...
Know what? If they had Neosporin back in 1931, that nasty scar on Frankenstein`s forehead would have been far less noticeable.