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Marry someone shorter than you so you can hide all the good snacks on the top shelf.
I don`t try to annoy people; its just a gift.
Is a rivalry between two vegetarians still called a beef?
Has anybody tried unplugging Congress and then plugging it back in?
pumpkin for sale, slightly used
Chapstick is an entire industry based on you losing the product and buying more.
My parents weren`t exercising all of those nights.
What idiot decided it should be my foot`s asleep instead of coma toes?
I could totally handle twins, triplets even quadruplets. Hold it, you`re talking about BABIES?
You know I feel the frustration that The Skipper endured because there are days that I too am surrounded by Gilligans
I finally had the talk with my kids. I told them that in the wild animals eat their young so they better get their sh!t together.
DO NOT expect a "Bless You" after your 3rd sneeze. Get that sh!t under control.
I`m not giving the kids a time out. I`m giving myself one. The thought of sitting in a corner & being ignored sounds just heavenly.
Alcohol may not be able to give you a loving hug when you need it but the Liquor Mart employee`s you`re buying it off of sure can.
The easiest way to distract a woman is to show her a picture of herself.