Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that I`m typing this with my middle finger.
I got kicked out of my Community Theater group when the director asked to see me limp. How was I to know he was talking about walking??
If you watched a person cut a piece of wood, would that be sawed or seen?
Lady`s if you want guys to look at your face instead of your chest ... eat a banana.
Four words that I never want to hear: we`re out of beer
My New Year`s resolution is to stop pointing my car alarm remote at my apartment front door expecting to unlock it
"Hot singles in your area want nothing to do with you." -Honest spam
Finding friends with the same mental disorder as you ... Priceless
I was an atheist, until I realized I was a sex god.
if your an astronaut, and you don`t end a relationship with "look, I just need space.." then your wasting everyones time
I love how music can take you to another place. For example One Direction is playing in this cafe so now I`m going to a different cafe.
My exercise routine consists of doing diddly squats.
I don`t quite get women who have like 15 bridesmaids. I don`t even like 15 people altogether in my life.
Attractive Woman: What time is it? Me: Haha. Yeah definitely
Given how enormous the universe is, I assume there’s an alien out there who does a mocking impression of me. Screw you, alien.