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I`m an organ donor, but I`m pretty sure all they`re going to use my liver for is "after" photos.
Woah.. the room is spinning.. I knew the world revolved around me.. ;)
A gun is like a coupon that works anywhere.
I saw a piece of chewing gum in the urinal today and thought, boy that must have been really painful.
I don`t have a drinking problem, I just celebrate everything! Like the fact that shirts have armholes, I`ll be celebrating that tonight.
Today, I am doing my part to conserve energe, Iām going back to bed.
Somebody told me I need adult supervision. I was like "I Know!" It would be awesome to be able to see through walls and shoot lasers out my eyes.
How does Ice-T order an Iced Tea without sounding like a douche?
Really don`t see the need for pants for the rest of this day. :)
Things I do everyday: 1.Get up 2.Survive 3.Go back to bed
You know one thing i really like about you is that you dont like anything about me.
Somebody needs to teach opportunity how to use a doorbell.
I lost my ladder when I was very young but I was fortunate to have such a great step-ladder to raise me ...anytime I couldn`t reach anything
Sometimes, when my husband has a day off, I like to bring the TV remote with me to work.
The reason I don`t play Scrabble online, is that I can`t throw the tiles at the person who beats me.