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I have this condition that prevents me from going on a diet. I get hungry.
They say the key to a fitness routine is having a workout buddy and that`s why I surround myself with lazy people
I cant remember the last time i forgot something
No one knows what women really want, but everyone agrees it still won`t be enough.
If you can`t think of a word, say "I forget the English word for it". That way people will think you`re bilingual instead of an idiot.
The best things in life require no pants.
u smile i smile u laugh i laugh u cry i`ll go get a bat and say who`s gonna get it
The best time to reexamine your life is when you find yourself reluctantly nodding to the questions asked at the start of an infomercial.
Pretty much the only time I want to hear about your ex is if she`s standing behind me with a weapon, other than that I`m good.
You can`t Febreze bullshit.
I just bought all six seasons of Hoarders on DVD
I`m not saying your cat doesn`t care about you, I`m saying if Lassie was a cat, Timmy would still be in that well.
What`s cardio, and can I eat it?
The guy behind me honked a nanosecond after the light turned green. So I put on my flashers and here I sit, tweeting about the whole thing
I have the ability to drive people crazy. I`m not sure if I was born with it or if I learned it. But damn am I great at it.