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I hate it when people need constant re-assurance. You know what I mean?
If you think people are stupid, randomly post "Happy Birthday" wishes on peoples FB page and see how many others tell them happy birthday.
Never make decisions when you are angry....or horny.
I never owned a telescope, but it`s something that I`m thinking of looking into.
Just once I wanna see a pregnancy test commercial where the female is like, "Aww, f**k..."
There are three kinds of people: Those who totally agree with my messages, those who kind of agree with me, and those locked in the trunk of my car.
Double Stuff Oreos should just be called Oreos, and regular Oreos should be called Diet Oreos.
I just ate what I thought was a feta cheese crumble from my salad off my shirt. Turns out it was deodorant. So how`s your day going?
Just been wondering what "please Do Not Touch" would be in Braille
Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life.
The best way to get over someone is probably with your car
A bachelor party seems more appropriate after a divorce than before a wedding.
So far I’ve spent most of 2014 flipping off the weather channel.
Rest area restrooms are weird. The guy in stall next to me has four feet.
Was hating my job until I drove past a grown man dressed as a Taco on the side of the road. Thanks again Perspective