Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Could you please put your screaming baby on vibrate.
Remember the bridge you drive over today was built by the lowest bidder.
I hope Iām the last guy on earth ā I wanna see if all those women were lying to me.
Don`t blame me. You`re the one following a 41 year old man who just jumped into his bed like an Olympic athlete because scary monsters.
I hate when our cat runs into the room, hisses at an empty chair then runs back out and I end up in the bathtub holding a crucifix.
To honor Thanksgiving this month I will be calling every one Pilgrim instead of Dude or Bro-- Fair warning
That awkward moment when the majority of people think your status is stupid.
Life is like a box of chocolates. They never last as long for fat people.
This day is going downhill faster than a wagon full of fat kids!
Ironman and Batman`s only super powers is being super rich and smart really makes Bill Gates a real disappointment.
The only time that my wife screams my name in bed is when I fart in my sleep.
I mostly use Facebook to remember why I stopped hanging out with certain people.
Can you LIKE this status with your elbow? (no cheating)
A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted.
I pulled my wife`s panties to the side.......then put the rest of her socks in the drawer.