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I`m not saying I`m lazy, but someone wrote "wash me" on my car so I just wrote back "nah"
Just once, I would like to see a person on a daytime talk show say, "dad was a good parent...mom was a good parent...the problem is me, I`m just a sh!thead."
I see you`re busy. I`ll come back later and ruin your free time.
It`s crazy that your brain can calculate where to put your hand to catch a 98 mph fastball... But won`t keep your mouth shut when a woman is angry
My internet goes out more than I do.
I just want to buy an old Mercedes Benz,so people will think I have been rich for a long time.
The first person who discovered how to make popcorn must have been like "WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON!"
Nothing makes you feel more insignificant than still having 85% battery at noon.
I always push when I should pull. I have doorlexia.
I`d like to have a child one day...Two days, tops.
When people say things like "You can`t change the past" I can`t help but wonder what it must be like to have that brilliant of a mind.
It would serve me better if they put shopping carts in the middle of the store where my pride realizes I have too much shit to carry.
For the record, giving someone the creeps for Christmas is technically not a gift.
I like to jump onto people`s backs as an unexpected piggy back. but sometimes I get carried away
Judging by the way some women wear makeup it`s rather obvious they didn`t excel at coloring as a kid ...