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My bed has no frame and sits directly on the floor because under-bed monsters are just one less thing I have to worry about now.
If my "friends" post just two more scripture quotes on Facebook, I will have officially read the entire bible.
that song on your iPod that you always skip but never delete.
Dear, automatic flushing toilet, I appreciate the enthusiasm.... But I wasn`t finished.
My girlfriend told me that I’m starting to annoy her because I relate everything to batman ... What a Joker...
I don`t understand why you guys complain about never being able to finish a tube of chapstick, it usually only takes me 2 or 3 bites.
Paying bills is fun and easy when you have a bottle of wine and a shredder.
Hello...
My love is like a candle, If you forget about me, I`ll burn your frikin house down!
Get off your high horse. Seriously, it’s not safe to ride any animal that’s stoned.
Guys I can`t be leave I`m sharing this with you, but I saw my self on TV. After I turned it off.
My New Years Resolution for 2015 is to stop being so impatient.
I swear July only lasted like 3 minutes
You´re just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!
Despite its name, Gatorade is pretty much fatal to alligators. I’m not allowed to volunteer at the zoo anymore.