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I hate that I have to put on clothes to participate in society.
Superman wears his underwear outside his pants and he`s a "hero". But I do, and I`m "weird", "creepy" and "never invited over again."
I’m right 97% of the time…who cares about the other 4%.
I was told that exercise helps with your decision making. It’s true. After going to the gym earlier I’ve decided I’m never going again.
When your wife`s in labour, never sneak a look at the business end; it`s like watching your favourite pub burn down.
How many HA’s equal a LOL? How about a LMAO? Is there a conversion chart somewhere?
BEFORE I GET DRUNK, NAKED,THROWN IN JAIL AND LOOSE MY DAMN PHONE. *HAPPY NEW YEAR.
If today were a fish, I`d throw it back.
Smile. Your enemies hate it.
A show called the view shouldn`t hurt your eyes
I opened a bottle of wine to let it breathe. It didn`t. So I gave it mouth to mouth.
The amount of alcohol I would need to sleep with you, would actually kill me
Today is National animals day, please take a moment to remember your ex :p:p:p.
Spiderman is just another guy who ends up with sticky hands and covered in white stuff after being on the web.
I hate it when I open my fridge and get punched by a bear... =/