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If I truly posted what was on my mind ... I´d most likely be in a psychiatric hospital right now.
Money can`t buy happiness, but I`d rather cry in a Ferrari.
Perhaps your whole purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others
Mosquito landed on my friend`s face; easiest decision of my life.
I will never understand why my fridge has a drawing of a carrot on the beer drawer.
You call them “cuss words.” I choose to call them “sentence enhancers.”
I think it`s really strange how some people talk to their animals, give them personalities and make up voices for them. My dog, Benjamin, agrees with me.
Only at McDonald`s do they say, "Sorry about your wait" and actually mean "weight" :P
The worst job to have right about now would be that of a realtor in Ferguson.
When people tell me "you`re going to regret that in the morning" I sleep in until noon because I`m a problem solver.
The well behaved rarely make history.
One day I shall rule the World! Until then, I am going to bed. Good Night :D
I wish people would stop judging me before they find out how much of an a$$hole I actually am.
Women are like bacon: they look good, they smell good, they taste good, and they will slowly kill you
Wow comma I just realized if I tap the microphone on my keyboard I don`t have to type out my statuses anymore exclamation point