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why are the foods you want eat late at night in loud crackling wrappers?
once a homeless guy said to me `Hey you got a dollar` and I said `wow your absolutely right..with psychic powers like that I`m surprised your still homeless` got in my car and left..
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
I poured some shampoo over my speakers today and they blew up... So much for EXTRA VOLUME.
Do you like me? Breathe for yes, lick your elbow for no.
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
Sometimes, I send game request just to piss people off :)
I`m currently writing a book about my love of dogs and gardening. It`s called b*tches and hoes
Despite what people may tell you, its the fat that makes you look fat... NOT the dress!! lol
Some days you`re the Titanic, some days you`re the iceberg, and some days you`re the guy who jumped off and hit a propeller on the way down.
Why does using a straw make it so much harder to admit there’s no more soda?
I eat my salad without dressing because who has time to put on clothes...
On one issue, at least, men and women agree: they both distrust women.
If your having a bad day, remember that somewhere on this big planet, someone just lost their straw in a capri sun!!
Sometimes my mind wanders, other times it leaves completly. ;)