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A new study has found that women with larger butts live longer than men who mention it.
I`ve actually have come to the conclusion that some of today`s youth may actually believe "laughing out loud" is actually spelled "lol"
You`d think my boss would know me by now and stop asking me everyday if I`ve been drinking.
I never meant to be so cold, I never meant to be so cold. - Mother nature
Some will forget, the others are simply women.
Please don’t mistake my personality for flirting. Just because I’m awesome doesn’t mean I like you.
I used to care ... but I take a pill for that now.
"I wish people would start doing ice bucket challenges again" - said no one ever!
Saying that your company has been in business since the 1800`s isn`t a selling point. Slavery existed then too...
is in his own little world but it´s okay they know me here.
Interviewer: "What did you like best about your last job?" Me: "Sometimes, people had birthdays and there was free cake."
I`ve started an exercise program. I do 20 sit-ups each morning. That may not sound like a lot, but you can only hit that snooze button so many times.
Alcohol does not make you fat. It makes you lean. Mostly against walls, tables, chairs, bars, floors & occasionally, weirdos ..
My buddy told me he was going to Beerfest this weekend, I asked him where, he said "any bar I walk into!!!"
Studies show it’s totally okay for me to just say “studies show” in front of whatever I want to say.