Daily Silly Status

Hump Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pro tip: Don`t moan when getting a pat down at airport security

When I say ‘it’s a long story’, it doesn’t mean it’s actually a long story. It means I just don’t want to tell you.

Relax… We’re all crazy.. It’s not a competition.

I found out that middle age is were you finally get your head together and then your body starts falling apart

At work, sometimes I secretly brew decaf coffee in the normal pot so that everyone else works at my pace.

You know it´s going to be a bad day when your horoscope starts with.. "Are you sitting down?"

I see you`ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

Don`t you wish common sense would make a big comeback.

I hate sneezing during sex, as it alerts the neighbours and lets them know I`m watching.

I wish that life had an option for viewing other available episodes.

Women with big breasts... ...can get a taxi on the worst days ...have a neat place to carry spare change ...have always been the center of the arts (art) ...make jogging a spectator sport ...can keep a magazine dry while laying in the tub ...have more negotiating power (with men shorter than them) ...usually can find leftover popcorn after a movie ...can always carry a little extra ...always float better ...know where to look first for lost earrings ...rarely lack for a slow dance partner ...hav

Women should run the world. That will give men more time to drink beer and watch sports.

Before you refer to someone as your ex, make sure they know you dated.