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I hate when Iām about to hug someone really sexy and then my face hits the mirror.
What if the lightbulb had never been invented? How would we know when someone has a really good idea?
Lets be honest. Half of life is messing up and half is frantically trying to fix it.
My talent is being wasted, if that counts as a talent.
People who spend their lives complaining how other people are doing nothing productive for society are doing nothing productive for society.
I like long walks on the beach and drives through Taco Bells drive-thru.
They say 1 in 3 people cheat in a relationship. I`m not sure if its my wife or my girlfriend.
I hate sneezing during sex, as it alerts the neighbours and lets them know I`m watching.
facebook is the only book we read everyday.
Hey ladies, tired of your man complaining about how long it takes you to get ready? Start blow drying your hair in the nude. I promise no more complaints.
My house is not a mess. It`s just that everything is on display for your viewing pleasure. Like a museum.
If I had a crystal ball to see 5 years in the future, I would have 2020 vision.
Who called them fake potatoes and not imitaters.
Tried to donate blood today but they had too many questions about where I got it.
Don`t understand how you can forget about someone you loved so much. Like that time my mum drove off and left me in the supermarket car park