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My car is so old the high beam switch is on the floor...
Sorry I got drunk and angry and said all those things I meant but still shouldn`t have said.
Last night I dreamed I was eating a giant marshmallow. When I woke up in the morning, my pillow was gone...
Instead of torturing people for getting information, why don’t they just get them really drunk?
i think lady gaga puts glue on herself, and rolls around random items.
Happy 4th of July ... U can toss out the Christmas tree now
Tenderizing the meat sounds a lot sexier than it is
I slept on my neck funny and today I will be turning my whole body like Batman every time I have to look at something.
You can make up any word you want in conversation and if you use it in a dilsationary way, people rarely question the meaning.
When do you take 5 hr energy? Right when I get off work ..12am!..beer here I come!
Are the unmarried employees at Kraft known as the Kraft Singles?
It is amazing how quickly kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower, dishwasher, or vacuum cleaner.
If I didn`t drink, then how would everyone know how much I love them at 2am?
Remember when mowhawks meant you were a tough punk rocker? Now they just mean that you`re 3 and your parents are idiots.
I spent the first 20 minutes of 2014 looking for the remote.