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one of the Olsen twins got married earlier today! when the fiance was asked "which one???" he replied "who cares???"
Just because you think it`s a bad idea doesn`t mean we won`t have a good time.
If I could trade places with anyone for a day it would have to be on the day I die. I wouldn`t want to be me on that day.
Fart jokes ain`t funny, they stink.
When I go to someone’s house & they tell me to make myself at home, the first thing I do is throw them out because I don’t like visitors.
What happens in Vegas never happens to me
I think, therefore i`m single.
Marriage: where all the excitement, laughter and sex is gone but she’s still there.
My parents never allowed violent video games. Just family-friendly board games with questions like, "Who murdered this guy with a pipe?"
Im so lazy today, I am going to watch fast and furious in slow motion.
"If your reading this, I think your awesome!"
I’m moving to Africa. Apparently there I can eat for 12 cents a day.
I was wondering why some couples don`t go to the gym together but I guess some relationships just don`t work out...
If McDonald´s sold hot dogs, could u, with a straight face, order a McWeiner & tell them 2 super size it?
A movie ticket for a baby should cost at least $50.