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Trust me, you want me medicated!!
Call me an optimist, but I always viewed my cup as half full…of Vodka!!
Allow me to explain myself via a new communication method I like to call "Interpretive Napping"
A Positive attitude may not solve all our problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort!
After 3 "it`s complicated" statuses, Facebook should just default to "Unstable"
There`s this cool trick I do where I post whatever the f*ck I want becasue this is my account, not yours.
No one`s going to do it for you. It`s up to you, to make naps a priority in your life.
I wish I could google "things to eat in my fridge" so I wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed. ;)
when a police officer yells turn around . Do not respond by singing . Every now and then i get a little bit lonely when you never come around
So people buy cookie dough and bake it?.... What the hell?
At the end of each day, life should ask us, `Do you want to save the changes?`
Honey, tact is for people who aren`t witty enough to be sarcastic.
"Based on a true story" means it happened more or less like this, but with ugly people.
I can’t decide if the drinks are too weak or if my tolerance is too strong.
at my age, the best part of waking up is the fact that I did wake up