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The Wizard of Oz is really just a cautionary tale about the lengths a woman will go to for the right shoes.
If it weren’t for law enforcement and physics, I would be unstoppable.
Unsettling sounds #23 - Ice-cream van after dark
I show my age when I`m in a club with all the 20 somethings.. Guess its because the last dance step I mastered was dancing like Gene Gene The Dancing Machine
I`d offer moral support, but I have questionable morals.
I like to log into facebook and leave a status just to show I`m here. Or am I?
If you don’t cuss when you drive you aren’t paying enough attention to the road.
"Latte" is Latin for: You paid too much for that coffee.
What do you mean my bathrobe is inappropriate? Isn`t it casual Friday?!
Please don`t make me choose between you and porn.
I sure do feel a whole lot more attractive at WalMart than I do at the gym.
I never run with scissors. (those last two words were unnecessary.)
In honor of this years` Super Bowl participants respective States of residence, they`ve changed kickoff to 4:20 Eastern Standard time.
Today I saw a girl with the word "Anel" on her butt. I was like, woah..it`s supposed to say "Anal"..it`s spelled wrong then I realized it was supposed to say "Angel". The G was stuck in her a$$crack
Just killed a cricket at work, and, long story short, I`m now being asked to audition for Riverdance.