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Gravity is a real downer.
"Kids are great when you need help around the house." - People who don`t have kids
That`s a horrible idea ... What time?
My son asked what it is like to be married, so I deleted all the music on his ipod except 1 song.
i hope your life is as long and useful as this roll of toilet paper!!!
Tarantulas make great pets because when they die, rather than grieving you’ll feel an almost overwhelming sense of relief.
I changed siri to a male voice and now my car keeps taking me to strip clubs and auto parts stores
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
is procastinating now. Don´t see why I should put it off.
Welcome to the obesessive-compulsive hotline... please press 1 repeatedly.
I`d totally order a salad bar. If it had lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, ketchup, mustard, hamburger and buns.
Rabbits jump & they live for 8 yrs. Dogs run & they live for 15 yrs. Turtles don’t do anything & they live for 150 years. LESSON LEARNED!
Million Dollar Idea: A restaurant that offers Coke and Pepsi....
You want to see Americans become activists? Cancel a TV show they like.
What was that idiot thinking when he invented white underwear?