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I don`t hate you, I`m just not necessarily excited about your existence.
Men hang out in bars for one of two reasons: Either they have no wife to go home to, or they do
Health tip: There`s never a `safe` time to shake a teenage boy`s hand. Never.
There are many different ways one can save energy, but my favorite by far is this recliner.
I just want to find someone who will love me for exactly who I am pretending to be.
Wives are just security guards hellbent on denying you access to your happiness, and porn collection.
The next time there`s an awkward silence, try whispering, "Did you forget your line?"
You know you`re non-domesticated when the only reason you finally transfer the dishes from the sink to the dishwasher is so you can gain access to the garbage disposal.
They said I couldn`t drink or operate machinery on my medication. But here I am…Driving a forklift…Sipping a beer…Lifting up my boss`s car…
"Wish You Were Beer!" Wait...no...that`s right...send.
When someone says "everything happens for a reason" I`d like to smack them and say "yeah, I guess you`re right"
Copy this and paste it in your status if you know someone, or have heard of someone who knows someone.. If you don´t know anyone, or even if you´ve heard of someone who doesn´t know anyone, then do still copy this. It´s important to spread the message. Oh and the hearts ? ? ? ? For crap´s sake, don´t forget the hearts! ? ? ? ?
People says nothing is imposible.. But i do nothing everyday!!
My life coach just informed me that I didnt make the team
That moment of shame when an automatic door doesn`t open for you