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I just watched a puppy do something really cute. It was like a real life YouTube video.
I`ve found that the best web designers in the world are spiders.
Santa must be the bravest man around. Who else would let a bunch of deer pull them around in a sleigh during hunting season?
I liked you until you started ignoring me and then I loved you. -Girls ---- Bfanch
I wonder what it feels like to be wrong.
I don`t know why I ever signed up for Facebook. I mean like seriously, this dating website sucks!
I was going to LIKE and compliment your FB pic, but I`m not a good liar.
I was jogging earlier and...LMAO, I`m sorry...I can`t start a status with such ridiculousness.
Irony: Asking God to help you on a science exam.
Well that’s a wrap on another day where I act like I know what I’m doing
I know how to wink my eye in like twelve different languages.
Fun game: Borrow some tools from your neighbor and return them one by one covered in blood until they move.
Posting a status update before responding to someone`s text is the easiest way to let them know how unimportant they are.
Ever notice how it`s never your successful friends posting inspirational quotes?
This status update is a test. It is only a test. Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror and you would not have been notified.