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Ask your doctor if walking blindly into traffic is right for you
When I see people jogging outside I like to drive slowly down the road behind them blasting “Eye of the Tiger” just to give them motivation.
That awkward moment when your sarcasm is so advanced people think you`re stupid.
All I`m saying is, China could have a much better relationship with the West if they shared their dragons with us. But, whatever, be that way.
Little to no thought was put into this status.
A recent survey of one person revealed that 100% of me thinks that I should leave work early.
That moment when you’re talking to yourself and you smile like an idiot, because you’re just so hilarious.
It would be cool if you heard a thunder bug a few seconds after you saw a lightning bug.
"Just Be yourself" is something I rarely hear from people who know me well.
The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts while the stupid ones are full of confidence.
Two drunk guys driving down the road, One says to the other "We must be getting closer to town!" The other guys says, "How can you tell?" He says "Were hitting more frickin people."
When you say "9 out of 10 forest fires are caused by humans." All I hear is "there`s a bear out there that knows how to use matches."
Is it bad when I’m talking to myself and I’m not even listening?
It seems racist that they call it Black Friday just because a bunch of people are trying to get into stores in the middle of the night.
Did you guys know that turning up the radio fixes almost all your car problems?! Crazy.