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Forget the hero part, I just like the fact that Batman punches clowns.
Valentines Day is the only day of the year that the guy with the smallest package gets the girl.
On the highway, getting passed by a minivan is the football equivalent to getting tackled by the kicker.
Of course you look good; I don`t have ugly friends.
Some day I wanna be "change my oil every 3000 miles" rich!
I think about hiring a maid way too often for someone who has plenty of time to clean.
You`d be surprised at how many times I`ve gone home, when i hear someone tell me "Go hard or Go home".
Guys are like bears, if you lay very still they’ll paw at you a bit then give up and go look for food.
So Monday and Tuesday sucked. But, with the right mix of caffeine, alcohol and mushrooms, Wednesday doesn´t even have to happen at all.
I think my "check engine" light has finally burned out. So that`s good.
Today`s Horoscope: You`re gullible
Of course you should follow me. I’m funny. Ask anyone. Well, except my mother-in-law. Don`t ask her.
I`m sick and tired of people telling me to turn off lights to save the environment. I tried it once, and I nearly killed some guy on a bike.
I wish "You idiot" was an appropriate way to end a work email.
Ok Brazil, this would be a time when it`s ok to bite an opponent.