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Setting my coffee maker to `stun`
I keep myself in just good enough shape to outrun most women and small children during emergencies.. :|
I`m pretty sure my Internet Explorer “error reports” end up the same place my letters to Santa do.
Just saw a guy with a Support Dyslexia bumper sticker on the front of his car.
"I wish people would start doing ice bucket challenges again" - said no one ever!
Every fork at your favorite restaurant has been in 100`s of strangers` mouths
I hate it when I write a sarcastic Facebook status and someone who doesn’t speak sarcasm has to comment and ruin it.
A man in front of me at Walmart is buying a pregnancy test. I bet this is the one time in his life he wishes she had sent him for tampons!
One way to know if someone is lying to you is if their facial mole is in a different place every time you see them
Judging by the amount of times I accidently cut myself on sharp objects it`s probably just as well real lightsabers aren`t available yet.
Did you know? If you were to watch all of the Saw films, it would take you 666 minutes?
Just saw the first duckface of Spring.
I don`t have dirty mind ...I just hav a sexy imagination. ..
I am going to open "The Karma Cafe" There will be no menus though. You will get what you deserve!
It`s no fun if you have permission.