Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You never know whats going on in your life until you’re f*cked up.
Two interesting facts for you: 1) Some pine cones look like poop. 2) I`m never kicking anything wearing flip flops again.
Wine is just grapes for procrastinators.
I came across 3 snakes while mowing the yard today, but those of you in North America already know that because you heard me scream
I found a spider in my shoe. He looks ridiculous, they`re way too big for him.
It takes patience to listen, it takes skill to pretend you’re listening.
I hate that part of the morning where I have to get out of bed and participate in real life.
Made some terrible life choices the last few years. Just kidding. I`m married and not allowed to make decisions.
More funny statuses will be posted here soon
My To-Do list for today is just a bunch of things I wanna eat.
I`m glad that we as humans settled on the hand shake as a greeting instead of the whole ass sniffing thing.
Sometimes I zone out and forget what I’m supposed to be doing, and then I remember and take a drink of my beer.
Sometimes I wonder if the kid in the Dreamworks logo has caught a fish yet.
I don’t drink to forget about problems. I drink to create new problems that that make the old issues irrelevant.
*Opens box of cereal* We’ve updated our Privacy Policy