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Look up from your phone… There’s some life going on around you.
I may or may not have just tried unlocking the wrong car for 15 minutes.
pudding... thats always a funny word
Bad news, guys. Throwing a cat through a wall doesn`t make a funny, cat-shaped hole
Still no news on the royal baby. One will assume its being delivered by Royal Mail
Am I getting older or is the supermarket starting to play some great songs?
As I slid my finger slowly down her G string, I thought to myself "this is a nice guitar"
You are not a "Food Blogger", you`re a "Fat a$$ with a laptop"
It`s hard to look like a bad-ass when you`re slurping on a strawberry smoothie.
Win every argument simply by repeating your opponent`s last sentence in a whiny voice.
I know that somewhere in the Universe exists my perfect soul mate, but looking for her is much more difficult than just staying at home and ordering another pizza.
have you ever noticed `lol` looks like a drowning person?
I think I’m going to take a hot shower. It’s like a normal shower, but with me in it…
If you are the one who stole my computer yesterday, please disregard the folder labeled, "Nature photographs." Thanks.
"I’m definitely going to do that tomorrow.” — Me being delusional