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You never know whats going on in your life until you’re f*cked up.
My favorite outdoor activity is going back inside.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve opened the refrigerator and thought, What am I doing inside the refrigerator?
Stumbled into bed late last night. "You`re drunk," she said. "Also, you live next door."
Sometimes, I like to stalk random strangers vacation pic`s, and tag myself as one of the people in the background just for laughs.
How can you tell if a smurf has the blues?
I wanna steal a Krispy Kreme truck and go on a high speed chase just because it`d be funny to watch a bunch of cops chase a donut truck
My problem? Smart phones are too smart.
I bet there`s a rapper trying to figure out a way to replace his teeth with LED lights
Stupid people who suddenly make a smart decision have no idea how confusing that is for the rest of us.
At what age is it appropriate to tell my friends that they`re imaginary?
You know why it`s called almond milk? Cuz you can`t say nut juice with a straight face
If I was on drugs, this post would be amazing.
Elevator music bothers me on so many levels
Bad decisions make good stories.