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It’s always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it’s just hilarious.
“Nevermind.” Translation: You should’ve listened the first time.
We may be an advanced nation but we still have to remind employees to wash their hands when they pee.
Too bad you can’t get abs from laughing at your own jokes, because I would have an 8 pack.
It saddens me to say that after tasting this homemade whiskey/nacho cheese ice cream, I’ve found not all dreams are meant to be followed.
One person forgetting to take their medication can really liven up a mundane day at the office.
Lol at birds that walk places.
Pac-Man taught me that you can eat ghosts if you take enough pills.
Even if your life was a total waste of space, there’s always hope that you’ll die in a weird enough way to make a CSI episode.
He who laughs last didn´t get it.
Word for the day is asstard
My life is a very complicated drinking game
YOU KNOW WHY!!!!!!!!!!
I robbed a bank yesterday....now the question is, what to do with all that sperm....
I liked Hoarders much better when it was called Sanford & Son.