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Men, if a woman is upset, hold her and tell her how beautiful she is. If she starts to growl, retreat to a safe distance and throw chocolate at her.
There is a special place in hell for people who are not ready to order when it`s their turn.
The path to inner peace begins with 3 simple words....Not my problem.
OMG ... I hate waiting in lines ... I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect already.
I always say "morning" instead of "good morning". If it were a good morning I`d still be in bed instead of talking to people.
Dear who ever’s reading this, I could be naked right now and you would never know.
Hello...
Don`t hide your feelings. Hide the evidence.
Fact: No woman has ever shot a man while he is doing the dishes!
Does anyone have a good recipe for homemade gasoline?
Dogs are great. You can count on them to alert you of danger...Also, children passing by, squirrels and gusts of wind they don`t like.
My wife woke up with a HUGE smile on her face this morning. I love sharpies.
Side effects of telling your wife to get a grip may include throat bruising or testicular swelling.
My therapist goes to her therapist five minutes after I leave.
I try and inspire at least one person everyday to leave me the f*ck alone.