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Please ignore this post, I`m pretending to be adding a coworker`s phone number.
The sun isn`t the only thing that rises in the morning...if you know what I mean ;)
I can still remember a time when I knew more than my phone
I`m always surprised when heavily tattooed couples have a baby and it comes out blank
Patience is not about how long you can wait, but how well you behave while waiting.
Think before you yell at your kids. They are the ones who might have to bring you toilet paper in 20 minutes.
Hey Gotham City criminals, why isn’t the first thing on your to-do list “Unplug the Bat Signal”?
I was at the pool today and tried to sneak a quick pee in the deep end. The lifeguard must have seen me. He blew his whistle so loud that I almost fell in.
I can make your gf scream louder than you can. - Spider
According to Debrah in HR, "Back up off my balls" is not the proper way to tell someone to wait for assistance.
Know your customer. Think like an idiot.
Tried cleaning the house to the A-Team theme and ended up building a tank. So close.
Remember when everyone died before gluten-free bread?
Well if you didn`t want me to fall in love with you, why did you tell me you had nachos?
To all the students who drop out of high school: Remember two things, 1) You tried your best. 2) I don`t like pickles on my BigMac.