Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
wonders how you can knock sense into someone when you`re beating them senseless?
They say in the near future computers will become more intelligent than people, really, the near future? I walk down the street and see girls who struggle with the difference between orange and tanned, guys who have no idea how a belt works, and all of them with less language skills then the average trained chimp. Computers? Hell I’ve got an alarm clock that’s smarter than most of them right now.
Couch pillows are really just fart silencers.
Why do we call it toilet paper? Does anyone wipe their toilet with it?
When people say "You look so familiar" responding with "Were we in prison together?" is almost always a conversation killer.
Upside to hurricanes... you might get a free boat delivered to your front yard.
I have a bad habit of laughing at inappropriate moments.
Very few things upset my wife. So, it makes me feel rather special to be one of them.
Dear Diary, men think about sex every 7 seconds. I do that with pizza.
Stole a cart from this woman at Walmart today. I like to think of it as playing grand theft auto suburbs edition.
Lets not kid ourselves, if the zombie apocalypse broke out, there are a couple people we would swear were zombies so we could shoot them
If you can’t be a good example, then you’l just have to serve as a horrible warning
Have you ever been cutting a piece of pager with scissors and worried that you might cut an atom in half and destroy the world?
An egg salad is really just a chicken salad that is really underdone.
I bet cats are mad they can’t sit on televisions anymore.