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Some call it alcoholism, I call it "keeping my emotions hydrated"
I hate when all the silverware is dirty and I`m down to using the giant decorative fork that hangs on the wall.
You Are The Reason My Middle Finger Was Created.
It`s only when you see a mosquito landing on your testicles that you realize that there is always a way to solve problems without using violence.
Is beer cheaper off the kids menu
Whoever is bringing me the 3 dozen donuts each morning, thank you. But could you just leave them on my desk and not in the break room?
I dont mind if you call me Crazy, but dont you dare call me stupid. Because to be this crazy some intelligence is definitely required.
if your an astronaut, and you don`t end a relationship with "look, I just need space.." then your wasting everyones time
You know you`re old when you come close to shaving your nipple off while trying to shave your legs!
My wife told me to get a real job or pack my bags! She must be losing it! Who threatens someone with a vacation?
In my experience, temporary insanity can last a long time.
I wonder how many people read my statuses and say `I hope he`s getting professional help`?
I took a 5hr energy today. they`re right about being able to multitask because it made me puke and poop at the sametime..
OK. So I took the road less traveled. Now where the hell am I?
Do a little dance... Drink a lot of rum... Fall down tonight...