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Here`s an idea...You go away and I`ll stop ignoring you.
I`d rather run into the four horsemen of the apocalypse than a group of women out on a "girls` night."
Wife is out of town until tomorrow night. Anyone wanna come sit on the other end of the sofa and ignore me?
I hate that I have to put on clothes to participate in society.
I couldn`t help but notice that I would like to have sex with you more frequently!
What a lovely winter we`re having this spring.
Don`t get me wrong, this Chinese take-out is amazing. But I`ll be damned if they expect me to believe a chicken fried this rice
My walk of shame is going back for a shopping cart after realizing I can`t carry 23 items in my arms through the store.
Being with you is like listening to golf on the radio.
The only thing worse than a cold toilet seat is a warm one.
You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can`t flick your friends out the car window
A good way to mess with a jogger is to run up along side them and say "I think we lost them."
Yes... I repost. Isn`t that kinda the point? Spread the love and shit? Mostly shit... But that`s your fault...
Everyday I fall in love with you more and more. Except yesturday, yesturday you were pretty f*cking annoying.
Taking a nap is always so risky like when will I wake up -- In 30 minutes? In 3 hours? In 9 years? No one can ever be sure.