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Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I`ve ever made.
They should create an app that makes your cellphone go “ahhhhhhhh” when you plug it in.
Facebook would be much more interesting if they let you decide, which part of the body you wanna Poke.
Sanity is so overrated. I mean, it`s a nice place to visit, but I wouldn`t want to live there....
The batteries in my electric toothbrush died before I finished. I`ve never sympathized more with women in my life.
Nothing says “I don’t give a sh!t” like a Hawaiian shirt.
Whoever said technology will replace paper has obviously never tried to wipe their butt with an I-pad
A homeless man comes up to me asking for change, I say "Change comes from within." He looked stunned.
Today, my wife asked "would you still love me if I was ugly and fat." "Yes, honey I do." was not the right answer.
Why isn`t cat food made from birds, mice and squirrels??
If your cat has a Facebook page, we can`t be friends.
It`s the weekend!!! The " Responsible Adult Button" has been switched to OFF!!
Whoever snuck the s in "fast food" was a clever little bastard.
In life you will meet all sorts of people, happy, moody, shy, loud, weird, and then there`s me So deal with it mmuhaaaaaaaahaaahaaaa that`s right !
I wonder what the inventor of the drawing board said when his first design didn’t work out.