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Can`t dance? Spell your name....in the air...with your butt. BOOM! Next problem...
It takes a brave man to admit when his wife is wrong .
Music is best when it’s louder than I can think.
Two years ago I became a proud parent. My kid is 6, but they were kind of a pain those first four years.
Health experts recommend a 1500 calorie diet. For those of you not good with math... that’s a 12-pack of 125 calorie beers. You`re welcome!!! ;)
Follow your dreams. Unless it’s a person. ..apparently they call THAT stalking.
I`ve got this great new drinking game where you take a shot every time you want to get more drunk.
I`ve always wondered why they don`t have a pregnant Barbie doll? Turns out Ken comes in a different box...
It`s normally a combination of things that cause bad decisions. The tequila, lime, salt combination is the most common.
If you tickle me, I’m not responsible for your injuries.
Awkward moment when you just wanted a sugar daddy but becomes the First Lady of America!
All my passwords are protected by amnesia.
With my eyes. That`s how I roll.
Marriage teaches you forgiveness, compromise and tons of other things you wouldn`t need if you`d stayed single.
I dont think I could ever stab someone.. I barely can get the straw into a Capri Sun.